How Did It Become OK For People To Be Late For Everything?

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How Did It Get TO BE Okay For People TO BE Late For Everything? By Greg Savage. This post may offend some readers, but only because it's going to cut close to the bone for many. And I don't care if I sound old fashioned because, actually, it's nothing to do with fashion or generation. It's got everything to do with basic good manners and respect for other people.

So here goes. How did it get to be okay for people to be late for everything? Because as far as I'm concerned, it's not okay. In recent years, it seems that a meeting set to start at 9 AM, for some people, means in the general vicinity of any time which starts with the numeral 9, like 9:30, for example. People drift in at 9:10 or 9:20 or even later, and they smile warmly at the waiting group as they unwrap their bacon sandwich, apparently totally unconcerned that others have been there since 5 to 9, prepared and ready to start.

Ten people kept waiting in a meeting for 20 minutes while some selfish prat idles his way via the coffee shop is actually 20 minutes times 10, which is 200 minutes wasted while you keep us waiting because you did not catch the earlier bus. That was over 3 hours wasted by you. How much does that cost the business? Shall I send you an invoice? An arrangement to meet someone for a business meeting at a coffee shop at 3 PM more often than not means at 3:10, you get a text saying, I'm 5 minutes away, which inevitably means 10 minutes.

So you wait for 15 or 20 minutes, kicking your heels in frustration. And often, these latecomers are people who have requested the meeting in the first place, are asking for your help, or are selling something. And it's not only business. Why do people invited for a dinner party at 7:30 think it's cool to arrive at 8:30? It's rude.

It's inconsiderate, and it's selfish as I witnessed in a coffee shop near my home one weekend. 3 ladies who lunch were chatting loudly at the table next to me. 1 inquired what time the drinks were that night. The reply for all the world to hear was, oh, 7:30, but we won't get there till 9 because by then, it will have warmed up, and all the interesting people will have arrived. Nice.

Imagine if everyone took that view. Cocktail parties would start at 3 AM eventually. Or a dinner at a restaurant where I was meeting 2 other couples. My wife was away, so I was flying solo. I arrived 2 minutes to 8 for an 8 o'clock booking.

At 8:20, I was into my second glass of pinot, and at half past, I got a text saying, on the way. We finally were all seated at 8:45. There were not even attempted excuses from either of the 2 couples who seemed oblivious to the fact that I might have gotten there at the agreed time. Meanwhile, I had put a huge dent in a bottle of Pinot and was ready to go home. And it is not that we lead busy lives.

That's a given. We all do, and it's a cop out to use that as an excuse. It's simply that some people no longer even pretend that they think your time is as important as theirs, and technology makes it worse. It seems texting or emailing you are late somehow means you are no longer late. Rubbish.

You are rude and inconsiderate. And I act on it too. My dentist kept me waiting 50 minutes not long ago. For about the 10th time, I might add, I walked out past a literally open mouth who had never seen a patient act on their frustration, only to get a frantic call from the dentist herself as I got into my car. Sure.

She was busy. Another patient took longer than she expected. Blah blah blah. But hold on. I am busy too.

I would not keep her waiting 50 minutes if she came to see me as a candidate, and yet I am her customer. I told her, I've been coming to you for 15 years, but don't take me for granted. See fewer patients in a day if you have to, but see me on time or close to it. She's never kept me waiting again. Me?

Am I ever late? Sure. Sometimes. That's inevitable even with the best intentions, but I never plan to be late. I never let time slide because my stuff is more important than yours.

I'm not talking about the odd occasion of lateness. I'm talking about people who are routinely late, in fact, never on time. You know who I'm talking about. And certainly, I consider serial lateness a character flaw, which I take into account when working out who to promote, who to hire, and who to count amongst my real friends. It's that important.

We've all been friends with or done business with the kind of person that we're talking about in this article here. Or, heck, maybe we've even been this person. I think the temptation is to always say, well, you know, I just run late. I'm just I can never be on time, or even let other people off the hook by saying, well, you know that person. They're always late.

But the thing I really wanna zone in on here is why are people constantly late? And if you're always late, don't worry. I'm not talking about you. I'm definitely talking about someone else. I think that at the end of the day, being late all the time is really an issue of pride or an issue of ego.

Because deep down, you think my time is more important than this other person's time. I'll let them get there on time, get the table, get everything started, and I'll I will show up like the talent. I'll show up, sit down, read my lines, and get out of there, and let them deal with all the other work. And now we may not think that overtly, but somewhere deep down, that's really what you're thinking. You're thinking, I'm gonna sit here and finish working on this one thing until I know that it's too late, and I know that I'm gonna show up late.

And then once I get my one thing done, then I'm gonna leave. It's not that you don't have the ability to be on time. You're just choosing to not be on time. And if you're choosing to not be on time, it's because you think what you're doing is more important than what you're about to go do. Right?

If you thought your next meeting was the most important thing, you would be there early. But, clearly, when you show up late, you're signaling, I don't think this is as important as the thing I was just at that I let run long, or I think your meeting is less important than stopping and getting a breakfast taco on the way in. And I've actually been in a meeting where someone stopped and got a breakfast taco on the way in and showed up, like, 20 minutes late, and it was written all over his face that he thought his breakfast taco was more important than the meeting. And don't worry. I'm not talking about you.

I know that you're late for really good legitimate reasons. But for other people, I think they're late because they're arrogant. And even if it is a scheduling thing, they think they're so important that they have to have their schedule packed in tight. They think they're so important that they can't allow enough time to show up to the next meeting on time, to be respectful to the person that they're meeting with. And how much more so should it be for our friends who we actually like instead of business people that we just have to talk to because it's our job?

If we say we're gonna meet a friend at 3, shouldn't we try to be there at 3? Because we actually like this person. But somehow it's this unspoken power struggle that the weak person shows up first, and then the important person, the busy person, shows up whenever they can as close to on time as possible. And it's a good thing that you, dear listener, are the one that shows up on time. But all your friends are very arrogant.

So if you can convince them to listen to some advice from a well meaning friend, have them consider not explaining why they were late. We don't wanna hear about the traffic. We don't wanna hear about this amazing circumstance that caused you to be late. Have them offer a sincere, heartfelt apology for being rude, and encourage them to think that instead of being tardy, they're being arrogant, because I believe deep down, that's the real cause of this. The real cause is we love ourselves.

We love ourselves too much to sacrifice anything for anyone else. And, sure, that plays out in a 1000000 ways, of which just one of them is not caring about other people's time and being constantly late. The Music Makers is released every Monday at 9 AM CST. You can find show notes online at musicmakers.fm, or please send me an email and tell me what you think. Aaron@musicmakers.fm.

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